weight

I have the same thing on my mind like most people this time of the year. Weight loss! Then again, since having Ethan, weight loss has always been on my mind. I am not overweight. I am in a healthy weight range. However, in the last few months i have put on some weight. I am still healthy. I eat healthy most of the time. Why am i so concerned all the time about my weight?

Before getting pregnant with Ethan was i between 115 and 118. I ate whatever i wanted whenever i wanted. I was so excited to gain weight while pregnant with Ethan. I loved going to the doctor and see the weight go up! Heck one appointment in 2 weeks i gained 7 pounds. Weight total with Ethan was 43 pounds! I lost the weight fairly easy after Ethan. I weighed 123 when getting pregant with Brooke. To be honest...i thought i was big then. After Brooke, i lost all my weight while breastfeeding. When i quite breastfeeding, i put on weight. And in the past year i have put on some more weight. So...honestly is key for this blog. I weight 135. Yes, looking at the number i think, that isn't much. I would tell someone else, that isn't much. But for some reason i hate that number! For some reason i feel like the number somehow needs to be in the 120's.

My mom has gotten onto my several times, asking me why i am so obsessed 5 years later still about my weight. I honestly don't know. I am always talking about needing to lose weight and so on. I think my problem is i concentrate on my theighs. I hate them. That's where all my weight is. My theighs and butt. And for whatever reason, when i look in the mirror, i always concentrate on how a pair of pants looks on me in that area.

I didn't grow up with a mom who was always on a diet. I don't think she ever was. I hate that Brooklynn is growing up with a mother who is so concerned with her weight. I try not to talk about it around her, but i do. I hate being so darn concerned about it all the time. I can't go a day without thinking about it. So, now i confess, i have a problem!

So...i am going to do my absolute best to just be healthy. I will continue to work out but have decided to only weight myself twice a month. The wii fit wants you to weight yourself daily...and i think that is really screwing with my head. One day i am down two pounds and the next i am up three! For someone like me who seems to have gotten so obsessed with it over the years....its not good for me to get on everyday.

Happy New Year to all! To a year of getting healthy and not concentrating on the number on the scale. to looking at the image i see in the mirror as a beautiful woman with a loving and supportive husband and two wonderful children who warm me heart daily.